


honey, we're heading somewhere perilous

by springsunset



Series: wonwoo pairings [1]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, References to Depression, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-07
Updated: 2018-03-07
Packaged: 2019-03-28 06:43:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13898496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/springsunset/pseuds/springsunset
Summary: The one where Jisoo finds out Wonwoo and Soonyoung are regular fuck buddies, and decides to try having sex with Wonwoo because he suddenly found him hot. Plus he has a crush on him. It’s basically a hot mess full of sex and feelings.





	honey, we're heading somewhere perilous

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. As a warning, this work contains references to depression, self-harm, and self-hatred. Please proceed with caution. 
> 
> 2\. This is my first smut fic in five years (yes, five years oh my god). I don't know if the sex feels rushed or anything, but. Yeah. Five years. 
> 
> 3\. This fic is for my friend, Pam. <3 Thanks for enabling me to write about WonShua!
> 
> 4\. If you have questions, violent reactions, reach me thru the comments or thru here: 
> 
> [Twitter](http://twitter.com/jeoneonuwu)  
> [CuriousCat](http://curiouscat.me/jeoneonuwu)

**** “We’re roommates!” Wonwoo beamed at Soonyoung gleefully, as they danced like fools. All the other members just stared or downright glared at them; they were still outside the hotel, and the sun was still high up. It wasn’t a good time to be stupid or thick-faced. 

But Wonwoo and Soonyoung didn’t care. It’s been months since they last shared a hotel room together. Wonwoo always got paired with Mingyu, while Soonyoung got paired with almost everyone in their massive, thirteen-member group; everyone but Wonwoo. But alas, the day has come for them, and they didn’t even try to hide their excitement.

“Both of you are embarrassing,” Jihoon said as he looked down to the ground. 

“Shut up, you’re just jealous I’m with Soonyoung,” Wonwoo rebuked mischievously. The boys, except Jihoon, of course, then communally ‘whoa’-ed, the type of behavior they usually engage in when someone gets roasted in an argument. They continued to play around for a few more seconds, until Seungcheol told them to tone it down, because they had to get some rest before the fanmeet they’ll be attending by seven o’clock in the evening. 

“We have five hours before we get ready. Get some rest, everyone!” Seungcheol announced. 

“Yes, hyung.” The boys then entered the hotel and admired the intricate patterns drawn on its walls. They divided each other into two groups in order for them to fit into the elevator; the first group was consisted of Seungcheol, Jeonghan, Mingyu, Seokmin, Jisoo, Wonwoo, and Soonyoung, while the second group was composed of Junhui, Minghao, Hansol, Seungkwan, Jihoon, and Chan. 

Wonwoo seemed really happy inside the elevator. He hummed to a lot of songs, from Red Velvet’s Bad Boy, to Momoland’s BBoom BBoom, to iKON’s Love Scenario. Soonyoung repeatedly glanced at Wonwoo and tried to sing along with him. “Hey, you should sing to our songs, too!” Soonyoung pouted as he scolded Wonwoo. The taller boy pulled on a mischievous face. “Make. Me,” he teased. The two suddenly tickled each other; the other members didn’t seem to mind it at first, until the elevator began shaking dangerously. Jisoo, with his lips pursed, went on to clear his throat, a gesture which literally means, ‘you are annoying’, making Wonwoo and Soonyoung a bit docile. The two still stole furtive glances at each other, making all sorts of funny expressions. 

Wonwoo and Soonyoung then broke out laughing as they exited the elevator and made their way to their room. Jisoo shook his head in dismay, wondering why both Soonyoung and Wonwoo seemed so immature and childish today, when oftentimes, it’s only Soonyoung who’s that hyperactive. 

“Don’t mind them. They had a lot of milk tea earlier.” Seungcheol put his hand on Jisoo’s shoulder. Jisoo just laughed for a second as he tried to brush his annoyance away. Milk tea has always been something that has been established as a sort of psychoactive drug for both Soonyoung and Wonwoo; once they get a sip of that drink, they turn into two jovial, overly happy people. Oftentimes, the members find it funny, but sometimes they find it annoying.  

But Jisoo had deeper thoughts. Jisoo had always been conscious around Wonwoo and Soonyoung, most especially with Wonwoo. He found him too unpredictable, too difficult to read. Everytime he attempts to find out what was going on side Wonwoo’s head, he just finds himself lost in a trance. Sure, the two of them talk, but their conversations often don’t go deeper than ‘What are you eating today’ or ‘What book are you reading this week’. Jisoo wanted to reach out, but sometimes, oftentimes, things just get too awkward that the two of them end up spending all those seemingly unwanted minutes in silence. 

Jisoo felt it even more today. 

He didn’t know why, but he was jealous of Wonwoo’s and Soonyoung’s connection. Both of them seemed so in sync, they could literally be the same person split in two. It’s still unclear to him if he was looking for someone to become close with, but this wasn’t actually the case with him -- regardless if he’s drunk or sober, he’s often able to strike deep conversations about life, happiness, sadness, and sometimes, even sex, with Hansol, Jeonghan, Seungcheol, and Dokyeom. Was he looking for something deeper, something far more magnanimous than what he had with the others? 

Or does he want to assert his image as a reliable hyung, a hyung Wonwoo can communicate intimately with? A hyung he can lean on to whenever Wonwoo can’t sleep, whenever he finds it hard to think? 

Jisoo didn’t know. 

Minutes passed and he slowly got over himself and lied down on the bed. Seungcheol, his roommate during their stay at the hotel, was already fast asleep. He envied the peaceful expression in Seungcheol’s face, an expression he hadn’t seen in months. Jisoo then paced slowly towards the bed, closed his eyes, and without knowing it, he fell asleep, too. 

Hours later, the sun was still high up when Jisoo woke up. Seungcheol was nowhere to be found; he figured his roommate was out there having a nice swim or a recovery run. He slowly rose up from his bed, stretched a bit, then went towards the door. He didn’t want to swim or have a quick run, but he didn’t feel like staying in the hotel room, either. Maybe he could find something interesting he could waste a few minutes with. 

Suddenly, a loud bang, apparently coming from the room beside theirs, greeted Jisoo as he exited their room. He stopped in his steps, wondering if a member got hurt. The last thing he wanted to feel in that moment is that overwhelming thrust of panic and anxiety whenever a member gets injured. 

Warily, Jisoo proceeded to approach the door of the adjacent hotel room. To his surprise, a part of the door was left hanging open, as if the ones who had left it open carelessly forgot to close the door because they were too preoccupied with other things. Jisoo slowly made his way into the interior of the room, shuffling silently as if he was in a den packed with lions, hoping not to see a member wringing in pain on the floor. 

Alas, he saw two members on the floor. But they were not in pain. 

Moans and rising temperatures filled the air as Jisoo set his eyes on the two members on the ground, naked and sweaty. Soonyoung was sitting on top of Wonwoo, maintaining a steady rhythm as he straddled his hips. Wonwoo was also moving his hips up and down, with his hands glued to Soonyoung’s pelvis. Soonyoung played with his nipples as he suppressed his moans; every now and then, he would readjust his position and lower his face to kiss Wonwoo’s body. Soonyoung’s lips made it to Wonwoo’s chest, then to his nipples, then to his neck. Wonwoo moaned silently as Soonyoung licked the sensitive, ticklish portions of his upper body. 

“Want me to blow you?” Soonyoung asked as he took a quick break from giving hickeys to Wonwoo’s neck. 

“Do  _ you _ want to blow me?” Wonwoo asked in return. The two of them looked at each other, and without any words, they knew the answer. 

Soonyoung moved a bit farther away from Wonwoo to give the latter some space to readjust his position on the floor. As soon as he saw that his friend was comfortable, Soonyoung inched closer to Wonwoo’s throbbing manhood. Soonyoung licked the corners of Wonwoo’s cock, began to swallow it, then maintained a rhythm, slowly at first, and then a little bit faster in the next minute. Wonwoo began to moan again, a bit louder this time around. Soonyoung continued with this pace, subtly smiling to himself, as if saying ‘Yes, bitches. I made Jeon Wonwoo moan. I did that.’ 

Amidst all this, Jisoo felt like a ghost. He felt like he never breathed during the entire time he saw Wonwoo and Soonyoung fuck; he felt one with the air, less as a person. He then suddenly noticed that his right hand was holding something. 

“Oh my god.”

And with this, he was no longer a ghost. 

Soonyoung and Wonwoo quickly stopped what they were doing and shuffled to their feet. “How...what...hyung?” Soonyoung couldn’t piece his words together. Meanwhile, Wonwoo just stood there in silence, as calm as he ever was, until he said something that shook Jisoo.

“Want to try?” 

Mortified, Jisoo quickly exited the room and went back to where his bed was. He almost hit his head on the door, but luckily, the gods thought he had enough embarrassment for today. 

Jisoo went to the bathroom and washed his hands. He then washed his face, lathering it with some soap Jisoo had never even used. He needed a big fucking distraction. The images of Soonyoung and Wonwoo fucking were still fresh in his mind. Everytime he closed his eyes, he saw Wonwoo’s face, marked with; he could hear Wonwoo’s low, sexy moans. Just when he was getting lost in his thoughts again, someone entered the room. 

It was Wonwoo. 

“Hyung...listen.” Wonwoo’s voice had a new ring to Jisoo’s ears; it sounded deeper, better, hotter. Jisoo then tried to looked up at the younger boy’s face, and felt his heart tug, as Wonwoo’s eyes seemed to be filled with worry. But he couldn’t keep his eyes glued on Wonwoo for more than two seconds; if he tried to keep it longer than that, he would combust. 

“Hyung, please. Listen.” Wonwoo’s voice sounded strong, domineering. Jisoo felt his chest tighten, again. What was happening to him? 

Jisoo took a deep breath. “I’m sorry I barged in like that. I...well,” Jisoo cleared his throat. “I thought someone got injured, so I wanted to check. And...yeah...I’m...happy that both of you are...um…”

“That both of us are…?” Jisoo felt really uncomfortable. He wanted to jump out of the window. 

“That both of you are fine.” If Jisoo knew better, he would stop talking there. But in this moment, he didn’t know better; various thoughts, ideas, and images flew above his mind, but never directly through it. “And...you...looked good.”  _ You looked hot.  _

Wonwoo laughed. “What?”

_ Fuck. I’m fucking stupid.  _

Jisoo flailed his arms defensively, as if he was swatting away a mosquito or something. “I mean… I’m happy none of you got hurt.” 

Wonwoo nodded in agreement. Jisoo was thankful Wonwoo didn’t press further. Knowing him, Wonwoo would try to tease him and get the truth out of him. It turns out the devil had a good side after all. 

“Do you have any questions for me?” Wonwoo said as he looked intently at his hyung.

Jisoo bit his lips. “Actually, I do. How long has  _ that _ been going on? And does anyone else know about it?” 

“Hmm,” Wonwoo said as he scratched his head. _Damn he looks hot_ , Jisoo thought. “About a year ago? We’ve been doing it regularly, just to let off some steam. But we’re not dating, or anything. And, nope, no one knows about it, but you.” 

Jisoo blinked. “Why don’t you guys date?”

Wonwoo shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe things would get complicated if we date. Feelings, attachment, commitment, all that messed up bullshit? I have no time for that.” 

Jisoo nodded slowly. “I see.” 

Wonwoo flashed a smile at him. “You know, this is one of the few times we were able to talk about something other than the the books I like and the food that you love.” Jisoo realized that this was true. Despite seeing something that shook him the core, he felt good. And he wanted to make it better.

“Want to grab some soju later after the fanmeet?”

Wonwoo did not expect that question, but he was open to anything. “Sure.” 

Both of them didn’t know it yet, but that day, or rather, that night, marked the beginning of it all. 

  


\---

  


It had been a tiring day for all thirteen of them; the actual fanmeet, which took around two and a half, was undeniably fun, but also really exhausting. They did a lot of performances, games, and engaged in various behaviors they don’t normally do when they’re all by themselves. The boys, slick with sweat as they entered their dressing rooms, wanted so bad to call it a day, but they still had some more stuff to do, like posting photos and selcas on their official Twitter and Instagram accounts. 

As they finished taking the group photo for their Twitter post, Jisoo sat on the sofa like a lazy cat, with his arms and legs sprawled all over the place. Jeonghan sat beside him, leaning on his shoulder. “Ah, I’m so tired,” Jeonghan said quietly. “Do you want to get a massage later on?” 

But Jisoo had other plans. He made a promise to go drinking with Wonwoo that night, and although a massage sounds tempting, a soju night with Wonwoo seemed to appeal to Jisoo a lot more. 

As the image of him and Wonwoo drinking popped up in his mind, Jisoo’s eyes met Wonwoo’s gaze from far across the room. Was Wonwoo looking at him all this time? Nevertheless, Jisoo, high on endorphins but low on energy, tried to smile at Wonwoo  _ (but actually, it kind of came off as a smirk) _ . Wonwoo put on a puzzled expression at first, then proceeded to smirk back. Jisoo found it so fucking hot; was Wonwoo actually teasing him? 

The boys then changed into their casual outfits and removed their makeup as they prepared to go back to the hotel. Jisoo wore a simple white shirt and black sweatpants with his black Vans, while Wonwoo wore a black jacket on top of a white tank top, with black sweatpants as well. Jisoo, unable to help himself, focused a bit too much on Wonwoo’s chest. 

“You know, your gaze could bore holes into my chest. Stop it,” Wonwoo said, teasing his hyung, as he walked towards him. Jisoo became flushed with embarrassment; he didn’t  _ mean _ to stare. Wonwoo’s chest just seemed so broad, and honestly, the fact that Wonwoo was wearing a tank top underneath his jacket was a bit distracting. 

“Shut up,” Jisoo rebuffed. Wonwoo, still laughing, made a quick gesture to touch his hyung’s head. 

“Ya! I’m still your hyung,” Jisoo shouted at him, still with a smile on his face. He loved Wonwoo when he was playful, but Jisoo loved it even more that he was playful with him. 

Wonwoo was still smiling, although his laughter had died down to a few hums. “So, are you ready for tonight? Are you ready to get drunk, Mr. Hong Jisoo?” 

Jisoo let out a giggle. “I’m not going to get drunk, you are.” Jisoo felt Wonwoo’s gaze on his face. Wonwoo must’ve felt it was a challenge, a dare, a duel, and he wanted to fight. But Jisoo won’t back down, or at least, he’ll  _ try _ not to. 

Both of them then entered a convenience store located near their hotel and bought seven bottles of soju. Wonwoo originally wanted to buy ten, but Jisoo was afraid ten might be too much. “There are only two of us. Ten is...a lot. I mean, I’m a hundred percent sure we won’t even finish ten.” This was an excuse; Joshua actually had relatively low alcohol tolerance. He can finish three bottles, tops, before transcending the threshold between tipsy and drunk. 

To Jisoo’s fascination, again, Wonwoo did not try to argue as he quickly put back the three extra bottles to the shelf. Jisoo volunteered to pay for their drinks, as he was the one who extended the invitation. Wonwoo flashed a smile to his hyung, grateful that he can drink to his heart’s content for free. 

The two boys went out of the convenience store without a word. They walked along the quiet, seemingly narrow road back to their hotel, with the sound of the bottles gently clanking each other as their only companion. Wonwoo was gently humming again, this time to Deulgukhwa’s Don’t Worry, My Dear. Jisoo loved this song; it was a song that reminded him of his life back in LA, of his mom, of his friends. And so, Jisoo hummed along. 

Wonwoo was quite taken aback upon hearing Jisoo’s gentle hums; he was just surprised that Jisoo liked this song,too. For a few seconds, they created beautiful harmonies together, only stopping after they had finished the first chorus, with both of them feeling more serene and relaxed than they had ever been. Just when silence was about to devour them again, Wonwoo spoke up. 

“I just wanted to ask. Hyung, are you happy?” 

Jisoo blinked, unsure whether or not he heard Wonwoo correctly. Happiness? It was such an abstract concept for Jisoo, and for the first time in a long while, he wasn’t sure how he would respond. So, he just said, “What do you mean?” 

“Like, are you happy here? That you’re in Korea, and you’re in SEVENTEEN?”

Jisoo thought about it for a few seconds. “Yes. I think I’m happy. I mean, I’m always tired -- we’re always tired -- but at the end of the day, it’s all worth it.” 

“Hmm,” Wonwoo nodded. 

Jisoo was puzzled by this response. “How about you, are you happy?”

“I don’t know, actually. I try to be happy, but I don’t think I’m at that level where I can say I’m content and free and liberated enough to say that I’m happy.”

“Why not?” 

Wonwoo pouted for a bit. “It’s just that...sometimes, I find myself restless? It’s like I don’t know where I’m going, but since all of you guys are going there, I’ll just do it, too.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“It’s as if I don’t have the time to think about my experiences these days. It’s like I’ve become classically conditioned to do things without really being in the experience. Do you get what I mean?”

Jisoo nodded. He somehow got it; it was not an unfamiliar feeling for him, as being an idol had left him with no time to think about himself or his family. 

“It’s just...sometimes, I’m too tired to think if what I’m doing right now would really be the thing I would be doing if I was happy.” With this, Jisoo quickly glanced at Wonwoo’s eyes and saw that his eyes were moist. He wanted to hug Wonwoo, but he felt like it might become a bit inappropriate. 

Wonwoo sighed. “But you know, I think I’ll be able to think about it while we drink.” 

  


\---

  


“Hey, can Wonwoo switch rooms with you tonight?” Jisoo asked Seungcheol casually, almost nonchalantly, as he laid down his bag on the sofa. 

“Yeah, sure,” Seungcheol nodded. “Why, though?”

“Wonwoo wants to talk. You know, stuff. I’ll tell you about it tomorrow,” Jisoo said with a smile. 

Seungcheol nodded again. Jisoo was happy his friend did not try to pry. The two of them then spent a few minutes in silence, both of them unsure whether they should ask more questions to one another. Jisoo didn’t want to be rude or anything, so he just stared into blank space. 

“Uh,” Seungcheol cleared his throat. “Do you want me to leave now?”

Finally, the question Jisoo was lowkey waiting for. “No, you can take your time. Wonwoo’s still fixing some stuff up anyway.” 

“Okay, sure. Either way, I’ll be going out on a walk, so I’m thinking I could take my things to Soonyoung’s room now. Just...don’t stay up too late,” Seungcheol said with a small smile. 

Jisoo smiled back. “Thanks, Cheol! I owe you one!” 

After seeing Seungcheol leave, Jisoo began preparing. He took out two shot glasses from the shelf and placed them on the small, brown table just across the sofa. He then dimmed the lights, shifting the atmosphere of the room from a bright yellow tone to a slightly darker one. Afterwards, he unmasked the blinds and stared at the view; it was already ten in the evening, and the bustle of the city started to die down. There were a few cars, there were a few people, and the gleam of the moonlight reflected on the windows of the tall buildings. This serenity, this feeling of being alive, had been something Jisoo failed to experience ever since he began training to be an idol. Jisoo took deep breaths as he became one with the city. 

Just when he was about to open his eyes, he heard a knock. 

Jisoo quickly came to the door, unaware that he walked at a faster pace than he usually does. He felt a quick rush of anxiety and excitement as he placed his hand on the knob, as he anticipated the face Wonwoo would have once he sees him. 

Jisoo opened the door. 

He wanted to scream. 

He didn’t know which part of Wonwoo should he process first; the boy was wearing a thin, white t-shirt, and Jisoo saw the outlines of his chest and his collarbones. Wonwoo also had a pair of glasses on; Jisoo never forgot how fucking gorgeous Wonwoo was when he had glasses on. And finally, Wonwoo was looking into Jisoo’s eyes with a slight smirk on his face, the kind of smirk that Jisoo loved so much, so much, that he wanted to make out with him right then and there on the hallway. 

But Jisoo chose to restrain himself. At least for now. 

Jisoo gulped. “Come in.” 

  


\---

  


It was just like any other night, at first. Jisoo casually brought up the hilarious, uncanny things he observed during the fanmeet; about Mingyu’s awkward aegyo, about Seungkwan’s jokes, about Junhui’s shoulders, about Seungcheol’s charisma. The list went on and on and on, and the more shots they drank, the funnier their stories became. 

“I almost did a mistake earlier during our Clap stage, I swear!” Jisoo exclaimed. “I thought I was right on beat, until Jihoon told me my initial position was weird. He really saved me today!”

Wonwoo laughed lightly. “Nothing else will ever top your mistake from that Pretty U stage we had in 2016. That one was fucking iconic.” 

“Shut up, asshole,” Jisoo said as he glared at Wonwoo. The two boys then burst into laughter at the same time. Jisoo was really comforted by the warmth of Wonwoo’s laugh, but he was also starting to feel a sort of tension in the air, as with each passing moment, the distance between him and Wonwoo seemed to diminish; he began to catch a hint of Wonwoo’s shampoo, a mix of lavender and mint. It was a lovely scent. 

As the night went on, their conversations deepened. “So, about happiness,” Jisoo began. 

“What about it?” 

“What do you think is the essential ingredient for happiness?” 

Wonwoo looked up to the ceiling in apparent wonder. Jisoo found the boy’s mannerisms cute; how come he hadn’t noticed these before? “I think it’s freedom and contentment. You know, like that feeling that you’re not rushing into anything. A calmness, a serenity, of sorts. I just want to feel it again.” 

Jisoo nodded slowly. “When did you last feel that?” 

“I don’t know, when we went to Japan last year, I guess? Maybe I just need a vacation,” Wonwoo sighed. 

“Ah. Same here. We all need that. Cheers?” Jisoo asked, as he rose his shot glass, his ninth (or tenth?) for the evening. He hadn’t really been keeping track of it. 

Wonwoo closed his eyes for a few seconds as he tried to navigate through his slight drunkenness. Jisoo found himself looking at him in apparent awe, struck by how beautiful Wonwoo was as a man; his eyes resembled those of a fox’s, his nose had a beautiful, elegant bridge, his lips were thin but smooth, his hands were slender and sexy. 

As Wonwoo slowly opened his eyes, Jisoo tried his best to fixate his gaze towards something else. 

But he couldn’t; Wonwoo was too magnetic. 

“Hyung, honesty time. What’s something that you’ve always wanted to tell me?” Wonwoo was looking intently at Jisoo. Suddenly, his pulse began to quicken and his face went hot again. He felt himself blush. Jisoo had always wanted to say something to Wonwoo since the day before, since he saw Soonyoung and Wonwoo fuck. 

His brain, which has been affected by the alcohol, was warning him to keep it together, to not say anything that could potentially be distastrous. But his heart, along with all the other organs of his body, were telling him otherwise.  _ This is it, _ Jisoo thought.  _ There’s no going back after this.  _

Jisoo took a deep breath. “I want you to fuck me. I want to feel your tongue inside my mouth and I want you to kiss my neck. I want you to play with my--”

All of a sudden, Wonwoo’s lips were on Jisoo’s, and his hands were on the back of Jisoo’s neck. The older boy’s eyes went wide open as his brain registered the happenings; the kiss, the sudden slip of the tongue, Wonwoo’s hands going all over the place. Jisoo then slowly eased into the kiss, as his eyes slowly shut down and as his tongue played with the interiors of Wonwoo’s mouth.  _ He tastes like cherries _ , Jisoo thought. 

Wonwoo went down to kiss the left side of Jisoo’s neck, making Jisoo moan softly in the process. No one had ever kissed Jisoo’s neck before. It was a tingly, sensational feeling, but he loved it. He loved Wonwoo’s softness and roughness. 

Jisoo bit his lower lip as he put his hands on Wonwoo’s hair, pulling at his strands softly every now and then. Thankfully, Wonwoo didn’t seem to mind. 

“Take it off,” Wonwoo said as he took his own shirt off. Jisoo complied immediately. Wonwoo then went lower, smudging Jisoo’s chest with kisses. He licked Jisoo’s right nipple, making Jisoo moan again. 

“You’re so fucking good at this,” Jisoo said in between moans. 

“Yeah, well, my mouth can do a whole lot of other things, besides rapping,” Wonwoo snickered. Jisoo laughed; boy, oh boy, Wonwoo was a confident fuck. Jisoo found it hot, so fucking hot. 

“You ready for this?” Wonwoo asked as he put his hands on the corners of Jisoo’s pants. 

Jisoo nodded. He can’t wait for it. 

Wonwoo slowly slid Jisoo’s undergarments away, revealing a fully erect cock. Wonwoo stared at it, his eyes wide. “Wow, hyung, you’re so hard. I don’t even need to use my hands on your dick anymore.” 

“Shut up,” Jisoo rebuked. Wonwoo had no idea how good his kisses were. Jisoo felt as if Wonwoo had kissed his body a thousand times before, since he knew his softest spots.

Wonwoo then spread Jisoo’s legs, kissing and licking the interior of his thighs. Jisoo took deep breaths in between his moans; he loved every fucking second of it. Wonwoo then began to lick Jisoo’s balls, the left side of his scrotum, the tips of his penis. “Oh, fuck,” Jisoo exclaimed. “You...fuck you, Wonwoo…” He felt like he was going delirious. He felt his neck was already wet with sweat, that his brain was already loaded with endorphins, that he might go crazy. 

Wonwoo laughed a bit. “You okay?” Jisoo nodded, trying to keep up with his partner. “What do you wanna do?” 

What did he want to do? He slowly closed his eyes as he thought of all the possible scenarios, all the positions he could do with Wonwoo. Would he dominate Wonwoo? Would he let himself be dominated? Suddenly, he had flashbacks of that steamy afternoon, with which he bore witness to. Suddenly, he knew the answer. 

“Fuck me in the ass, Jeon Wonwoo.” 

Jisoo wasn’t entirely sure, but he saw Wonwoo’s face change; his eyes suddenly became more passionate. He knew this boy wasn’t going to fool around, and he knew he was going to be fucked so hard. 

With a bit of lubricant on his fingers, Wonwoo slipped his middle finger into Jisoo’s butthole, going on a steady pace, as if to set the mood. Jisoo was able to adjust to Wonwoo’s rhythm immediately, telling him to go faster, to go rougher. Soon, Wonwoo had two fingers on Jisoo’s hole. “Yeah, keep going...I like that,” Jisoo said, his voice husky, as his right hand reached for Wonwoo’s cock. It was already hard, but not as hard as his. Jisoo then started to put his hand around Wonwoo’s penis, moving up and down with a slow motion at first. He felt Wonwoo flinch when he realized Jisoo was giving him a handjob, although he became relaxed a few minutes later. Jisoo then went faster, pleased to hear that Wonwoo was letting out soft moans. 

“You’re good, hyung,” Wonwoo sighed. 

Jisoo let out a soft laugh. He decided to go even faster, making Wonwoo moan a bit louder. “Hyung! Be gentle, you’re making me want to come now!” Wonwoo exclaimed impatiently. 

“Oops, sorry!” Jisoo teased. He was so pleased with himself right now. 

Wonwoo snickered again. “Hyung. Do you have any idea how cute you are when you smile?” Wonwoo asked, his eyes looking directly at Jisoo, making him so flustered. Those were words he did not expect, not for that night. He felt his face get hot again, for perhaps the third or fourth time for that day; he had lost count. Jisoo felt time stop; he didn’t know for how long he just stared at Wonwoo’s face, but he suddenly felt an urge to confess to him that he’s starting to develop feelings for him, right then and there. 

But he felt a bizarre biological warning that that would be disastrous. “Go inside me,” he uttered instead. Wonwoo froze for a few seconds. He then readjusted his position, with his cock now a few inches away from Jisoo’s hole. Wonwoo then began to enter Jisoo; for the first few moments, Jisoo winced, making him dig his fingers into Wonwoo’s back. Wonwoo’s cock was so big, Jisoo felt it so intensely. The air also got so unbearably heavy, bearing even more weight than it did earlier, that Jisoo felt as if the oxygen inside the room got depleted. 

Wonwoo went faster, making Jisoo whimper and moan repeatedly. Jisoo felt as if his body was transcending into another dimension, parallel perhaps to how Buddha experienced Nirvana. From time to time, he would pull on Wonwoo’s hair or put his hands on Wonwoo’s broad, bare shoulders. Wonwoo felt so unbelievably reliable, Jisoo found it so hot. 

Wonwoo came a few minutes later, making him pull his cock out of Jisoo and spilling his cum all over Jisoo’s abdomen. Jisoo stared wide-eyed at Wonwoo’s cum, and then went to look at Wonwoo, only to find out that Wonwoo was looking back at him with a slight smirk. Wonwoo leaned in close to kiss Jisoo’s lips, gently this time. “That was nice,” he said as he moved to kiss Jisoo’s left ear. He then picked up his clothes and put them back on. “Let’s do that again, next time,” he said as he walked towards the door, his face pulling away from Jisoo’s gaze. 

Jisoo wanted to grab Wonwoo’s wrist, but he felt too far away, and he did not have the strength to stand up. “Stay here.” 

Wonwoo looked back at Jisoo. “What?” 

“Stay here. Sleep here. Seungcheol’s sharing the room with Soonyoung for tonight, anyway,” Jisoo said. Wonwoo then nodded slowly, as he picked up Jisoo’s clothes before walking towards him. “But first, put these back on. Your dick is too distracting,” he said while laughing. 

Jisoo got a bit embarrassed as he stared down at his cock. He then laughed softly, as he reached out to get his clothes. “Thanks,” he muttered. Both of them then took turns to take a quick shower, with Jisoo entering the bathroom first. When he got out of the shower, he saw Wonwoo taking pictures of the view of the city’s serene nightlife. To Jisoo, Wonwoo was more picturesque than the city. 

“Want some water?” Jisoo asked, in his attempt to break the silence. 

“Sure.”

Upon finishing the glass and putting it down upon the table, Wonwoo gestured towards the bathroom. Jisoo just nodded, without a word. 

Jisoo then sat on his bed as he stared blankly into space. He arranged the blankets and the pillows, making it so that he and Wonwoo would be lying down side-by-side. He then laid himself down comfortably; he wanted to wait for Wonwoo to come out of the bathroom first before he goes into deep slumber, but due to his exhaustion, he fell asleep. 

The morning after, Wonwoo was nowhere to be found. Jisoo saw, however, that Wonwoo’s presence left a dent on the bed. 

  


\---

  


Finally, their promotions in Japan were over, at least for that month. The thirteen boys were quick in packing up their staff, all of them careful not to leave anything behind. Although they’d be returning to Japan a couple of weeks after, leaving something behind, especially an important item, would be a pain in the ass. 

The boys then went to their van, all of them still groggy from not having enough sleep from the night before. Dokyeom was practically sleepwalking with his eyes wide open; all the others were busy trying to keep themselves awake through their mobile phones. Meanwhile, Seungcheol was busy communicating with their manager. 

The 15-seater van, which had been their official vehicle for their Japan tour, bore witness to all sorts of arguments, especially with regards to the the seating arrangement. Miraculously, the members were able to choose their seats in the van without arguing against each other. In their trip towards the airport, their overall manager and Seungcheol were seated in front; Hansol, Jeonghan, Dokyeom, and Mingyu were seated at the fourth row; Minghao, Junhui, Chan, and Soonyoung were seated in the third row; while Seungkwan, Jihoon, and Jisoo were in the second row. 

“Who’s not here yet?” Seungcheol asked to confirm attendance; he felt too lazy to count off. 

“Ah, Wonwoo’s not here yet,” Soonyoung answered. “He went to buy a soda. He’s heading here soon.” 

At the mention of Wonwoo’s name, Jisoo felt his heart skip a beat. Ever since the night they had sex for the first time, which had been over two weeks ago, Jisoo had done it with Wonwoo two more times. And with each time, Jisoo found himself falling even deeper for him. 

Upon seeing Wonwoo, Jisoo motioned to open the van door, but Soonyoung caught the handle first. “Hurry up, asshole!” Soonyoung shouted, making the members say all sorts of things to tease Wonwoo. 

“You know, manager hyung is mad now,” said Mingyu, all the way from the back. 

“Shut up,” Wonwoo answered back. “Sorry, hyungnim,” he said to their manager.

Jisoo felt his pulse quicken as he watched Wonwoo take on the seat beside him. He could smell the faint hint of his lavender shampoo again, making him have flashbacks of the first night they had sex. 

“Hey,” Wonwoo greeted casually, without even looking at Jisoo. 

Jisoo tried his best to be casual, too. “Hey.” 

The truth is, Jisoo and Wonwoo had never had the chance to talk about their relationship with each other. In all the times they had sex, Jisoo would invite Wonwoo for drinks, talk a little, end up a bit tipsy, then they would begin to have sex. Jisoo wanted to open up about the nature of their relationship, about how his feelings for Wonwoo were becoming too intense with every passing minute. But he was always afraid; afraid that if he did so, he would be opening up Pandora’s Box and lose Wonwoo forever. 

And so he didn’t. And because of this, he was becoming more insecure; he didn’t know how he would confront his feelings. He didn’t know if Wonwoo actually likes him back. 

  


\---

  


It was a relatively warm day in April, and the boys were busy preparing for their official debut in Japan. Voice training sessions, dance rehearsals took hours, and they were left with little to no stamina. Jisoo had a hard time picking up the dance steps for the title track, because it was too difficult and too fast. 

Jeonghan was the first one who noticed Jisoo’s dwindling energy. “Shua-ya, are you okay?” 

Jisoo nodded sympathetically. “Yeah, I’m fine. I’m just tired.” 

But the truth was, he was more than just tired; he was exhausted. He was exhausted by all the dance practices, he was exhausted by the seemingly endless vocal coaching sessions, he was exhausted from the thoughts that run in his head; thoughts about Wonwoo, memories about their memorable nights in Japan, his insecurities about his feelings for Wonwoo. 

Ever since they went back to Korea, they never had the chance to have sex again, mainly because they had no time. Jisoo spent so many hours with the vocal unit, because they had to piece a song together, while Wonwoo spent a lot of time with the hiphop unit for the same reasons. By night-time, both of them were so dead tired, they slept without even changing out of their practice clothes. 

Jisoo just wanted to rest. At least, he wanted to let his insecurities go. 

On that warm spring day in April, he was able to do so. But not in the way he had wanted. 

Jisoo walked towards the kitchen to grab a glass of water. He heard murmurs and soft whispers as he inched closer, slightly interested on whose voices it might be that he was hearing. As he neared the sink, he saw silhouettes from a tall boy and a slightly shorter boy, talking to each other in slightly suggestive ways. He then realized it was Wonwoo and Soonyoung. 

He remained there, in the dark corner of the kitchen, thankful that the two boys hadn’t noticed him lurking around yet. It was like that time he saw Wonwoo and Soonyoung having sex, except that this time, there was no sex. Jisoo then felt his face go hot when he saw Wonwoo grab Soonyoung’s butt as he walked away, both of them smiling mischievously at each other. At that moment, something inside Jisoo snapped; he knew that that simple gesture could be, at its best, meaningless, but the boiling anger, the frustration that he had been trying to suppress for the longest time, were the only things that clouded his mind. 

As soon as he ceased to hear traces of Soonyoung’s footsteps, Jisoo lunged towards Wonwoo. “What the fuck was that?” he demanded, his voice low but cunning. Jisoo saw Wonwoo flinch, perhaps both by his expression and his behavior, but he didn’t care; he pinned him to the ground, and held Wonwoo’s collar forcefully as he stayed on top. 

“Hyung, what the hell?” Wonwoo asked back. 

“What the fuck was that? Huh? Are you still fucking Soonyoung?” Jisoo’s face was wet, both with tears and sweat. He wanted an answer. Goddamn, he wanted a fucking answer. 

“Get off!” Wonwoo said as he pushed Jisoo away. “What the fuck!” Wonwoo said, exasperated, as he stood up and stared down at Jisoo, who was seated on the floor, crying. 

“Answer, me please,” Jisoo begged. “What the hell was all that sex for? Huh? What the fuck was all that for?” 

Wonwoo put his hand on his forehead. “Fuck, I knew this would happen,” he said to himself as he walked away. 

“What? What!” Jisoo stood up from the floor, trying to catch up to Wonwoo. “Tell me, you fucking asshole. Tell me!” Jisoo was already screaming; they were lucky all the other members were in the soundproof practice room, so no one was able to hear a thing.

“That you would have feelings for me! Look, I indulged you because I thought you just wanted sex. I didn’t know things would be this complicated and shit. Okay? I’m sorry I even led you on; I’m a fucking idiot for believing that you wouldn’t develop feelings for me,” Wonwoo was angry, both at himself and at Jisoo. He felt terrible; he felt like a cruel predator who preyed on the feelings of the weak. 

“So you don’t like me?” Jisoo asked in a hushed tone. 

Wonwoo sighed. “Fuck, I don’t even know how to be happy. How can I even have feelings for someone? Huh? Hyung?” Wonwoo began to cry. Jisoo just stared at him, taking in deep breaths. 

“I’m broken in all sorts of ways you can’t even imagine, hyung. I spend all my days lately trying not to cut myself, so I could get rid of the monsters that appear in my dreams every night. I’m someone who uses other people to let off steam. Fuck, I even used you! If anything, you should be mad at me. You should spite me, condemn me.” 

It was the first time Jisoo saw him talk that way; usually he viewed Wonwoo as the mild-mannered boy who liked books and video games, someone who didn’t have the slightest capacity to hurt anyone. 

But Jisoo’s feelings were clouding his judgment. “Wonwoo, I’m in love with you, okay? You can talk to me.”

Wonwoo put his hands over his hair. “Oh my god, hyung, stop. Stop! We have different needs, okay? You need someone who will love you, who will take care of you; I just need sex. I’m really, really sorry for leading you on, but this has to stop. I’m fucked up, okay? It’s hard for me to change myself, hyung. I’m already in too deep. But you, it’s not too late for you. You can stop liking me. You can still love someone who will love you back. You still have a way out, hyung. I don’t.” 

And with this, Wonwoo walked away. 

Jisoo just remained standing there, stoic, for god knows how long. 

  


\---

  


“Say the name, SEVENTEEN! Hello, we are SEVENTEEN!” The thirteen boys greeted the crowd through the mic. It was the Mnet Asian Music Awards 2019, their fifth MAMA as a group, and there were a lot of speculations among the public that they were going to win their first Daesang on that day. For one, their fourth studio album was a total hit and their title track achieved a 15-week straight all-kill on the charts. The individual members of the group also had a lot of exposure in 2019, with Wonwoo, Dokyeom, and Mingyu debuting as actors, with Jeonghan now a host for a radio program of a big television network, and with Seungkwan bagging digital awards for singing an OST for the most popular drama of the year. It had been SEVENTEEN’s best year; all that was missing was a Daesang to cement their success. 

They were also set to perform last, set a few minutes before the actual announcement of the two biggest awards. And so, the boys sat through the entire show, some of them fidgeting nervously, as this time, they really had a chance to win an Album of the Year or Artist of the Year award. Seungcheol tried his best to calm everyone down, though he himself was nervous as hell. 

Finally, the time for their performance came. They performed a four-song setlist; each song was conducted with the level of performance only SEVENTEEN could execute. Every artist, every fan inside the venue watched in complete awe, as the group culminated their performance with their title track from their fourth album. 

They also saw met a lot of artists backstage. “Good luck, guys! Also, your stage was amazing!” greeted Pristin’s Nayoung, who also had a special performance with other members from GFriend, WSJN, and LOOΠΔ. Pristin had won the award for the Best Female Group that year. “Thank you, Nayoung! Congratulations, too!” Seungcheol responded. 

With deep breaths, the thirteen boys then made their way back to their seats, greeted by all sorts of artists, sunbaes and hoobaes, with ‘good job’, ‘that was amazing’, ‘you guys are so powerful!’. As the actress who was supposed to announce the Artist of the Year award came on stage, all of the members as if their heart was on their throat, and it’s gonna erupt out of them any second now. 

“Good evening, everybody. Now, I will be announcing the Artist of the Year award for this year’s Mnet Asian Music Awards,” the actress began. “The Artist of the Year award for MAMA 2019 goes to…”

The thirteen boys held hands, all of them not breathing. It’s the moment they had all been dreaming of since they debuted as idols. 

“SEVENTEEN!” 

The crowd was suddenly filled with screams; it was as if the entire venue went berserk. Seungcheol had been the one who stood up first; the others stood up later, while Seungkwan, Dokyeom, and Soonyoung remained unmoved from their seats, seemingly unable to process the information that they had just won their biggest award to date. 

“Seungkwan, Seokminnie hyung, Soonyoung hyung, stand up, let’s go,” Hansol said as he smiled in front of them. Right then and there, the BooSeokSoon trio started crying. They couldn’t believe it; Artist of the Year? SEVENTEEN? It was unbelievable; but it felt so sweet, so victorious. 

The thirteen members then formed a line and walked proudly towards the stage. They were congratulated by every artist they met, all who expressed sincere appreciation and pride for their hard work. The members were all smiling, with their eyes moist, as they went up towards the platform. 

Seungcheol spoke first; he thanked the Carats, PLEDIS, his family, his friends, and finally, the members. He then broke down, crying, as he burrowed his face into Mingyu’s shoulder. Soonyoung then spoke next; he talked about how hard it was to create the dance for their title track because it featured a concept they had never tried before, but he was happy the song and the dance got so much love from the public. Jihoon spoke afterwards, calmly thanking all the fans, for loving them, and the members, for helping him write such a beautiful song. Junhui and Minghao then said their messages in Mandarin, and then Jisoo and Vernon talked about how grateful they are to receive such a prestigious award in English. It was a very beautiful moment for all thirteen of them. By the time they left the stage, all of them were in tears. 

  


\---

  


“Cheers!” Seungcheol began as he held a full pint of beer away from himself. The members then followed the same gesture, then drank the beer in varying amounts; Seungcheol, Jeonghan, Mingyu, Minghao, and Chan almost finished half of their pint, while the others only drank a few. 

They were having Korean barbeque at a place near their dorm, a treat that had been promised to them by PLEDIS’ CEO if they won a Daesang at MAMA 2019. “If you win, you guys can have all the Korean barbeque you like.” And so they did. 

Hours later, half of the group was drunk, while the others were asleep; the only members who were awake were Wonwoo and Jisoo, two people who tried to limit their alcohol consumption for that day. 

“Hey, hyung,” Wonwoo said as he sat beside Jisoo, fitting himself through the small space. “How have you been?” 

Jisoo smiled. “I’m so happy! Jeonghan brought me a necklace last week,” he replied as he turned to glance at his boyfriend, who was so drunk. And indeed, he was really happy; Jisoo and Jeonghan had been dating for nine months. It all happened slowly: shortly after Jisoo was devastated by the confrontation between him and Wonwoo, it was Jeonghan who became Jisoo’s shoulder to cry on. They would talk almost every night, about Jisoo’s unresolved feelings, about his misplaced desires. Then they began to talk about those times they had sex in the past; Jeonghan confessed that he actually had been harboring feelings for Jisoo for the longest time, a confession which took Jisoo offguard. He thought Jeonghan had no feelings for him at all, since he was, after all, a cheeky, playful person. They began to date exclusively when Jeonghan gave him a teddy bear for Valentine’s Day 2019. 

“That’s so nice! Are you guys going on a trip next year?” Wonwoo asked. 

“Hmm,” Jisoo scratched his head. “Maybe in the summer! We’re thinking of going to Thailand, or something. Just by ourselves.” 

Wonwoo nodded enthusiastically. “You guys definitely should!” 

Jisoo laughed. “So how about you? What’s up with you?”

“I’m going to try to take a trip by myself. Maybe in Scotland, where I’ll find a lodging place by the sea. Or maybe I’ll climb a couple of mountains in the Philippines.” Wonwoo responded. 

After the fight he had with Jisoo, Wonwoo had a bit of an emotional reawakening. He decided to see a therapist regularly, with the permission of the company. He began to experience a shift in perspective; that life is hard, but he should try to find some way to alleviate the anxiety and sadness that try to upset his balance. He soon discovered that travelling and exposing himself to environments away from the city is an ideal way for him to reflect and make peace with himself. 

After his emotional reawakening, he approached Jisoo four months after their fight; during that period spanning from their fight to their reconciliation, they did not talk, they only engaged with each other if needed be. Thankfully, four months after, Jisoo was open to having a conversation with Wonwoo. 

“Hyung, again, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have led you on,” Wonwoo said to Jisoo with his head lowered. 

Jisoo reached to pat Wonwoo’s head. “It’s okay. I got over it already, and I understand now. I’m sorry I made assumptions about you. I guess back then, I was so fixated on establishing a relationship with someone, that I unintentionally blurred the lines between you and me.” 

Wonwoo cried again. This time, not because of self-hatred, but because of gratitude; that despite everything, Jisoo was able to forgive him. Since then, Wonwoo and Jisoo had developed a unique kind of friendship, wherein they tell each other almost everything; it was a peculiar, platonic connection that both of them did not expect, but were ultimately grateful for. 

“Scotland and the Philippines, huh,” Jisoo echoed. “You should try surfing in the Philippines, though! Their beaches are the best!”

“Hmm, I’ll think about it.” 

Jisoo shuffled in his seat. “So, are you thinking of dating anyone? Like within our group, or maybe outside?” 

“I haven’t really thought about it…” Wonwoo made a weird face.

“You know, you should try dating Soonyoung! For real.” Jisoo exclaimed. 

“No way!” 

The truth is, Wonwoo had cut of his sexual relationship with Soonyoung following the fight he had with Jisoo, although the two had remained close friends. It was easy for them to become friends without the benefits, since they never had feelings for each other. Or maybe they were just denying it. No one knows. 

“Why not?” Jisoo pressed. 

“It’s just weird...I don’t know. Plus, I’m not really looking for someone right now.” 

“Really?”

“Really.”

And so the two of them laughed together. Through the night, they shared more questions and more stories, both of them grateful for each other’s presence, each other’s friendship, not noticing that the darkness of the night had shifted into the light of day. 

  


\---END---

**Author's Note:**

> SOME FOOD FOR THOUGHT: 
> 
> 1\. I imagined sex as a metaphor for knowing a person at a deeper level. In this fic, sex and the deeper emotional connection between Jisoo and Wonwoo happen at the same time. As such, the line between physical and emotional intimacy is blurred for Jisoo.
> 
> 2\. Sex is a dangerous thing if the two people doing it have different expectations of one another. Jisoo wanted a connection, while Wonwoo was finding a way to relieve tension.
> 
> AUTHOR'S NOTES
> 
> 1\. i'm so sorry if any joshua or wonwoo stans got shookt by this fic sadlkhlkadjasdsa i am a wonwoo stan myself (and joshua is like my top 5??? idk i haven't assessed my bias list lately because it's messed up) and i just think.......why did i make them miserable..... 
> 
> 2\. if you could, please give me constructive criticism about my work!!! the last time i found myself committed to fanfiction was back in 2013 so i've been away from writing fiction for such a long time. but now i'm finding the inspiration and the resolve to do so again so heyall
> 
> 3\. this fic is also part 1 of the wonwoo pairings fic series! i'm 80% committed to this idea, and i have prompts for almost all the pairings (check my pinned moment on twitter!). soonwoo is coming up next, with a past lives AU!


End file.
